Pictures:

Akiva Lane
General
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What do shoes and noses have in common?

They both smell.

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Akiva Lane
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How does a doctor thank someone for referrals?

Thank you for your patients.

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Shane Ronay
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Who invented tiny nails?

A guy named Brad.

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Akiva Lane
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What was the result of the pig race?

The winner squeeked by.

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Akiva Lane
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If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of progress?

Congress.

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Akiva Lane
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What do you call a pencil too short to sharpen anymore?

A point of no return.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did Jerry avoid taking hot baths?

He tried to avoid things that would get him into hot water.

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Yitzchak Berger
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.

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Akiva Lane
General
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Why did the rock band like playing on wide stages?

They liked having good bandwidth.

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Akiva Lane
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What con-man conquered a large part of Asia?

Genghis Con

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Akiva Lane
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How do you convey to someone that you feel connected to them as a human being?

You manity.

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Akiva Lane
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How did the smoker, who craved a cigarette, feel when he got to smoke one?

Nicotine in the nick of time.

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