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Why did the thief who wanted to repent always do things very quickly?

He didn't want to hold people up.

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Why was Mike concerned about the liquids that he drank?

Because after he drank them, they were drunk.

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Why didn't Bill promise his wife that he would be a billionaire?

Because that didn't look very promising.

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What happened when Max’s wife asked him to get plums from the grocery store?

He plum forgot.

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What is a survey done over the phone called?

A telephone poll.

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What can you say about a broken drinking fountain?

It's out of order and out of water.

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Why did the light bulb have emotional problems?

Because it was turned off.

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Do cows generally live alone?

It's generally un-herd of.

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Why can't you trust a school system that has no one running the schools?

They have no principles.

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Why do violinists put rosin on their violin bows?

It makes the violins rosin-ate.

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What is a motto of a podiatrist?

We succeed with de feet.

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What is the trend called where people take pieces of coal with them on dates?

Carbon dating.

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