Pictures:

What happens to an illegally parked frog?

Toad.

461

Why was Emily always careful to treat bread carefully and with respect?

She didn't want to do anything that went against the grain.

653

Why was Fred very good at sleeping?

He could do it with his eyes closed.

1332

Which vegetable is best served mashed?

Squash

1046

What did the painter say when told he was supposed to paint the ship WHITE - not navy blue?

Oops - I blue it.

1468

What month should you be careful not to buy fake jewelry?

Jewel lie.

3065

Why did the prisoner ask the judge to put words on a train?

Because he wanted the judge to commute his sentence.

412

What state keeps track of their Dell computers?

Delaware

2251

Which type of make-up remover is used by all genders?

Withdrawing an apology

1811

Even though Julie loved history, why did she choose not be a historian?

There was no future in it.

2799

What finger does a card-shark use to manipulate the card deck?

The in-decks finger.

2105

Why did Amanda avoid cookies, cake, and crackers?

She tried to void foods that are crummy.

1315