Pictures:

After working for 40 years, why didn't Joe want new tires on his car?

He wasn't ready to re-tire.

2164

Why were Bill's friends always calling him up?

Because his nickname was 'Up'.

3234

How does one obtain a very firm crease from the dry cleaner?

Request an increase.

580

What is ironic about The Flat Earth Society?

Their members are all around the globe.

1034

What liquid is able to run?

Running water.

2142

What is happening here?

He's checking his bill for web service.

310

Why did Betty stop eating sausage?

She thought it was the wurst.

918

What can you say about someone who thinks he will make a lot of money playing dice?

He's in a fool's para-dice.

79

How do you describe a mediocre seamstress?

A so-so sew-sew.

485

How did Lisa feel about moving from one house to another?

She found it to be a moving experience.

534

What being always acts and feels lousy?

The louse.

2394

What is happening here?

The ketchup is trying to catch up.

2922