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What does a penthouse have in common with the lead article in a magazine?

They are both a cover story.

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Why was the homeowner scared of the zombies at his front door?

They were dead ringers of friends of his.

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What is a good motto for a sausage company?

We make the best wurst.

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What is a program called that tries to convince people to become doctors?

Indoctorinzation.

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What do you call relatives who are sleeping?

Nap kins.

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Which Russian leader used delay tactics as a military strategy?

Stallin'

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What relative did Bill Royd name the phone operating system after?

Aunt Royd.

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Why did Mr. Roberts take his key with an R attached, and put in on the upper hook on the wall?

He believed in the principle of higher R key.

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Why should you usually not take bullies seriously?

Because they are usually just full of bull.

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What is clothing from Italy called?

Italian dressing.

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How did worms get onto Noah's ark?

They came in pears.

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What is MOM spelled upside down?

WOW!

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