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What do you call an eating contest to see who can eat the fastest?

The gulp war.

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Where do fish learn what they know?

In schools of fish.

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What is someone called who is so good at finding things, that people pay for searching?

Profound.

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Why did Debra Smith come up with exactly 1,263 famous idioms?

That's all she wrote.

1791

If the animals on Noah's ark could play musical instruments, what would it be called?

An arkestra.

1053

What's the advantage of buying eye glasses with frames colored by Rose Jones?

You can see through Rose-colored glasses.

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What does life have in common with arithmetic?

It has its pluses and minuses.

3252

Why are reading glasses called glasses?

Because they are made from plastic?

568

Why did Arnold use gloves when painting with red paint?

He didn't want to be caught red handed.

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What kind of cats are good at imitating?

Copy cats.

2816

Because Gus was always happy, what was his nickname?

Fungus.

928

Why did Sam get up from bed in the morning?

He decided he wasn't going to take it lying down anymore.

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