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Akiva Lane
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What did the Mayor say when the workers put street signs upside down?

This is not a good sign.

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Shane Ronay
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My friend moved to Helsinki, but couldn't fit in.

He found it hard to Finnish anything.

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Shane Ronay
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Why wasn't the student's cousin able to pick her up from school?

It wasn't a pparent.

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Akiva Lane
General
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When Betty felt the need to express herself, what did she do?

She drove on the the expressway.

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Akiva Lane
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What bird should learn better manners in terms of how to treat others?

The mockingbird.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did Bill throw a stone out of the car window whenever he made a turn?

He didn't want to leave any turn un-stoned.

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Akiva Lane
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Is there anything absolute about families?

It's all relative.

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Akiva Lane
General
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Why was it that in the ancient world harps could not be trusted?

Because they were all lyres.

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Akiva Lane
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Why are the Patriot missiles kosher?

Because they have fins and chew their scuds.

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Akiva Lane
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What do you call lox served in an apartment?

Pad lox.

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Akiva Lane
General
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What do you call an eating contest to see who can eat the fastest?

The gulp war.

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Shane Ronay
General
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Which college shows the most compassion to fire victims?

Aw, burn University

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