Pictures:

Why was the homeowner scared of the zombies at his front door?

They were dead ringers of friends of his.

1277

How is time like an insect?

It tends to creep up on you.

1951

Why did Betty put things on the kitchen scale at 1pm for 9 hours?

She wanted to measure them on a scale from 1 to 10.

528

How does wheat and rice know how to grow?

It's ingrained in them.

3047

How much does a teenager weigh?

An Instagram.

796

What hour is a good time to go to the dentist?

Tooth hurty (2:30).

2480

Why didn't Janet want to wait in line for 5 hours for tickets to the concert?

She didn't know if she could stand it.

2102

What is the border between Finland and Russia called?

The Finish line.

830

What did the man's wife say when he woke up hung over, after a party?

She asked what was "ale"ing him.

706

What word is spelled incorrectly in the dictionary?

The word 'incorrectly'.

1896

What does an art school and a bedroom dresser have in common?

They both have drawers.

2857

What is a party called where everyone is treated equally?

A democratic party.

1809