Pictures:

What is it called when people argue about what to do with a rope?

This cord's discord.

927

How to summarize a person's life after being convicted of a crime?

Con descending.

1125

What did Bill say when Max wanted to kill a bug that landed on Bill's watch?

You're not going to do that on my watch.

2158

What was Jim's reaction when the other poker player wanted to deal the cards?

Well, it's not ideal.

1765

What is it called when a city is overrun by cats?

A cat-astrophe.

1363

Why did the scarecrow win a very special award?

Because it was outstanding in its field.

1189

Why is this cable similar to the United States?

They are both C to shining C

3248

Why did Sam sing while he built houses?

He wanted to build them soundly.

2798

Why was the newborn baby bored?

Because his mother just bore him.

1781

What do you call a very heavy bird that you carry?

A bird-en.

2598

Which device measures carbohydrates?

A carburetor

841

What can you take when you are dirty?

You can take a shower or you can take a bath.

503