Pictures:

How does one get men to listen?

Stress to "He'd" his words.

1483

When did the mother of a newborn boy wake up?

At son rise.

1489

Why did Fred avoid eating hard cheese such as Swiss cheese?

He preferred eating cheese that is easier.

1841

What is it called when a very small child waves at you?

Micro wave lovin'.

1768

How did the smoker, who craved a cigarette, feel when he got to smoke one?

Nicotine in the nick of time.

3137

What did the sheep say to his friend who had been sheared?

Boy did you get fleeced.

1137

What do you call loving swing music in Michigan?

Being in a swing state in a swing state.

2238

Why didn't the clam share its food?

Because it was shell-fish.

1766

What part of an animal allows it to conceal itself?

It's hide.

126

Why didn't Bill have a good vacation?

By mistake he went to a hostile instead of a hostel.

669

How is Julie's time in the playground going?

It's in full swing.

896

What is it called when cars protest public lies by honking their horns?

Taking the bull by the horns.

628