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What happened to the lawyer who spent too much time drinking at the bar?

He was dis-barred.

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How did the veterinarian know that the horse had a cold?

He heard it straight from the horses mouth.

1698

How did the baseball player have a family meal?

He sat at his home plate.

1349

If the animals on Noah's ark could play musical instruments, what would it be called?

An arkestra.

1053

What does life have in common with arithmetic?

It has its pluses and minuses.

3252

What is an ancient Celtic who is very flexible called?

A fluid druid.

616

What are the benefits of having a sense of wonder (one-der)?

It can help you feel at 'one' with everything.

809

Did the early frost kill all the fish in the fish pond?

No, they were just being koi.

901

How did the family feel after a great day at the amusement park?

They didn't want anything to dispel the spell.

2176

Why did Maxine buy the more expensive bed?

It was bedder.

1869

What kind of boxes are similar to people who don't like card games?

Card bored.

2478

What do you call a hyphen that is the size of a football field?

A hundred yard dash.

135