Pictures:

Come Precious...it's time for dinner!

Not right meow.

2061

What do you get when your optician is a comedian?

A man who makes a spectacle of himself.

1060

What can you take when you are curious?

You can take a look.

504

What is an example of a ring that weighs nothing?

The ring of a phone or of a doorbell.

2653

What kind of bush can take you by surprise?

An ambush.

2115

What do psychologists and accountants both say?

It's important to be positive.

2989

What was the motto of the company that made horror movies?

We've only begun to fright.

1162

Why don't red and blue get along with each other?

They are on different wavelengths.

526

What do you call a holy man who walks barefoot and has bad breath from fasting so much?

A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

254

What month should you be careful not to buy fake jewelry?

Jewel lie.

3065

Why was Bob upset when he got a fine?

He didn't think it was fine at all.

1808

How did the man who ate nothing but vegetable soup for decades live to be 100?

He took good stock in himself.

372