Pictures:

Why didn't the carpenter want to fit counter-tops?

He didn't want to be accused of counter-fitting.

1601

Why didn't Jerry mind if his dog didn't tell the truth when the dog was asleep?

Because he let sleeping dogs lie.

145

How did the honor student ace his Political Science exam?

By being politically correct.

221

What are the odds that this man will slim down?

A fat chance.

380

What do people on the Keto Diet use to measure their food intake?

A carburetor

1318

Why did Jenny dislike her job as a stenographer?

Because her boss was a dictator.

60

Why did the bears stop being friends?

They found each other unbearable.

2464

Which psychology specialty focuses on dealing with others?

Yourology

1999

What is similar between a thief and shoes to run in?

They are both sneakers.

1252

Who was more intelligent as a child - Alec Baldwin or Alec Guinness?

They were both Smart Alecs.

1126

How did Sam feel when he left the Far East?

He felt dis-oriented.

84

After the earthquake destroyed the land where a well was, what did the engineer say who was looking for it in the dark?

I don't feel well.

3298