Pictures:

When Emily was on a diet, what were the slowest days?

The fast days.

2109

What did the Aztec comedy troupe call themselves?

The Inca Hoots

1260

Why do horses have low divorce rates?

They have stable relationships.

2218

What did the man say after a meteor destroyed his house?

This really hit home.

2175

What is it called when you 'burn the midnight oil' to stay awake studying for midterm exams?

Term oil.

3154

Why did the head of the school demand respect?

It was the principle of the thing.

2124

Horses are fun to ride...

...but make terrible neigh bors.

1485

What is the air-conditioning system in a baseball stadium called?

Baseball fans.

2815

How do we know that the ancient Egyptians were not honest?

They were into pyramid schemes.

3139

After a long winter, how did the tree feel in the spring?

It felt releaved.

3115

How do you describe when someone eats too much too fast?

Haste makes waist.

2188

What pictures did the family put on the bedroom curtains?

Pictures of tomatoes and eggplants because they are nightshades.

2274