Pictures:

What is the difference between a child and Shakespeare?

One is involved with play, and the other is involved with plays.

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How do you get someone to say 'Who's there?'

You say 'Knock, knock'

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What does a warning label on a large strainer say?

Don't strain yourself.

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Why did Bill get arrested when he was boarding a plane?

In a loud voice he said 'Hi' to his friend Jack.

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What did the tree do when it felt like just a stick in the mud?

It branched out.

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Why did Bill often get angry easily?

He went around with a chip on his shoulder.

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When Samantha's parrot flew away, what shape did it remind her of?

Polygon.

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Why didn't people believe this when they saw it?

They thought it was pi in the sky.

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What pictures did the family put on the bedroom curtains?

Pictures of tomatoes and eggplants because they are nightshades.

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Why was President Clinton elected in between Presidents George H. and George H.W.?

Because a Bill at hand is worth two in the Bush.

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What is a dog called that swims back and forth in a pool?

A lap dog.

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Why did they hang the criminal?

He was looking for a loophole, and he found one.

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