Pictures:

Shane Ronay
General
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What's the best way to get people to listen to you?

Create a heeded discussion.

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Akiva Lane
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What is it called when a city is overrun by cats?

A cat-astrophe.

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Shane Ronay
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Why is this the most expensive dish in the restaurant?

It's 24 carrot plated.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did Beth wear a blindfold when she slept?

Because her husband was such a light sleeper.

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Akiva Lane
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What is a bag called before it wakes up?

A sleeping bag.

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Akiva Lane
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What song verses appeal to everyone, and where do they teach this?

Uni-verse, taught in a Uni-verse-ity

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Akiva Lane
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What can you say about the stories of how staples, paper-clips, and thumb-tacks were developed?

They are all fasten-ating.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did the prisoner break out of jail?

Because he couldn't finish a sentence.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did the family have their son set the dinner table?

It was the time of the setting son.

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Akiva Lane
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What gift does the soccer player not like to receive?

He doesn't like ties, he prefers to get victories.

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Akiva Lane
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What is a problem with the summer?

The weather is heading for a fall.

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Akiva Lane
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Why is the word 'laptop' misleading?

It shouldn't be used on the lap, because of the heat and radiation it generates to the body.

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