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Akiva Lane
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What will happen if the San Andreas Fault causes an earthquake?

It will be covered by no-fault insurance.

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Akiva Lane
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Why was Maxine confused about how seriously to take Allen?

She didn't know if he was "Sir Real" or "Surreal".

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Akiva Lane
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Why did the mathematician plant an apple tree?

He knew how to multiply, so in addition he wanted to be fruitful.

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Akiva Lane
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What continent is named after ants?

Antartica.

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Akiva Lane
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What do people in the US say when they want to use the metric system?

Take me to your litre.

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Akiva Lane
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What is a motorcycle that attacks people called?

A vicious cycle.

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Akiva Lane
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How did the chiropractor feel when he saw that the work was harder than he expected?

He was taken aback.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did Bill buy 2 pieces of chord, and gave one to his girlfriend?

He wanted to tie the knot.

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Shane Ronay
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What did the Mayor say about the turnstile jumping on the subway?

That's not fare!

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Akiva Lane
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Why did Eileen Terr's name confuse people?

Because people called her Miss Terr.

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Shane Ronay
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What do you call the top 2 Chinese translators?

The Co-Mandarin Chiefs

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Akiva Lane
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What is someone called who puts up gates in alleys?

Alley gater.

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