Pictures:

What did Alan say about his daughter traveling so much after she won the state's beauty contest?

I miss miss Missouri.

1965

What do you say to a bowl of kidney beans when you haven't eaten them for a while?

Where have you bean?

2997

What is a doctor called who takes care of stomach gas?

A fizz-ician.

885

What can be said about people who work around the clock?

They are shiftless.

76

How did the Curtis family feel after they had a pet bear for a month?

They couldn't bear it any more.

2154

Why did John keep 2 bags of carrots in the freezer, with 12 carrots in each bag?

He wanted 24 carrots cold.

2553

Why did Arnold use gloves when painting with red paint?

He didn't want to be caught red handed.

363

Why was running to the grocery store not her first run that morning?

She first ran out of milk.

1091

What do you call someone who steals dishes?

Dish-honest.

3287

How did Jeff's friends realize he finished his entire "bucket list" over the weekend?

He looked pail

1464

Why did Maxine buy the more expensive bed?

It was bedder.

1869

What starts with P and ends with E and has thousands of letters.

Post Office.

956