Pictures:

Matt Weiss
General
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What did Bill's father answer when Bill asked if he understood what an eclipse is?

No, son.

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Akiva Lane
General
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Why did the insulted person steal a fence?

Because he took offense.

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Matt Weiss
General
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How do you fix a broken pumpkin?

With a pumpkin patch.

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Akiva Lane
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How can you help people who are suspicious?

Change the first letter of suspicious from S to A, to make it auspicious.

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Akiva Lane
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What did Bill say when he found out that his hotel reservation was upgraded to 2 connecting rooms?

How suite it is!

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Akiva Lane
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What can you say about a person who learns to say no?

That now he knows.

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Akiva Lane
General
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What did the artist do before he made a sculpture of a person's head?

He had to plan a head.

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Akiva Lane
General
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Why did Marla always start walking with her right foot?

She wanted to put her best foot forward.

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Akiva Lane
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How does a doctor thank someone for referrals?

Thank you for your patients.

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Akiva Lane
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What is the difference between a fish and a bathroom?

A fish has many scales, and a bathroom usually has one scale.

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Akiva Lane
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What three letters are not our friend?

NME

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Akiva Lane
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Why is it good to limit the amount of news you ingest every day?

It's not a coincidence that it's called De Press.

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