Pictures:

What did Fred say to the driver of the car that hit his car from the back?

You're a pain in the rear end.

399

What excuse can be used by a person who drinks too much?

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal labotomy.

610

What permission did the poet need to write poetry?

Poetic license.

1776

What did the miner say when he found gold?

It's mine!

1583

How did Martha feel when she cut her vegetables into very small pieces?

Grate.

585

What did the cherry tree say to George Washington?

Don't ax me.

179

What do small boats and computers have in common?

They both can be used for fishing using a net.

2097

Why don't red and blue get along with each other?

They are on different wavelengths.

526

What is up and down at the same time?

When you go to sleep drunk, and feel down when you wake up with a hangover.

2840

What is a cookie with a PhD called?

A smart cookie.

1446

What do you call and aunt that doesn't like people?

Aunt Tipathy

1913

What season is it when you are on a trampoline?

Spring time.

995