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How can psychiatrists charge so much?

Because people have to be crazy to pay those rates.

2620

What fruit can't get married quickly?

Cantaloupe.

718

Why did the family's credit card debt get so large that they had to file for bankrupcy?

Because it was a house of cards.

1420

Who was more intelligent as a child - Alec Baldwin or Alec Guinness?

They were both Smart Alecs.

1126

What can you say about a candle before you light it?

It's met its match.

1528

What is not a nice way to describe how one's vacuum cleaner works?

It sucks!

368

What do you call ticks that live in a parrot's feathers?

Polly ticks.

2788

What do you call an item in a store where the price tag is unreadable?

Priceless.

1563

Why did bill choose gastroenterology as a medical specialty?

He had a gut feeling.

1437

What's the best way to get people to listen to you?

Create a heeded discussion.

1496

What did Bob say to the fly that what bothering him?

Don't bug me.

2169

What is similar between a Japanese couch an ottoman foot rest?

One is a futon, and the other you put your foot on.

3354