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Akiva Lane
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Why did the person who smoked too much go to Istanbul on a cold day right after Thanksgiving?

Because he wanted to go cold Turkey.

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Matt Weiss
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What did Bill's father answer when Bill asked if he understood what an eclipse is?

No, son.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did Linda name her dogs Rolex and Timex?

They were her watch dogs.

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Shane Ronay
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What type of meeting is this?

A Piece Summit.

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Shane Ronay
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Why did Bill order these to wear himself?

He's trying to lose weight through resistance-training.

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Akiva Lane
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Since Jill was on a diet, why was she concerned that the math problems on the test were too easy?

Because they were a piece of cake.

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Akiva Lane
General
Picture

What can be said about people who work around the clock?

They are shiftless.

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Akiva Lane
General
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What is up and down at the same time?

When you go to sleep drunk, and feel down when you wake up with a hangover.

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Akiva Lane
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Can you believe someone who eats steak from a male cow?

No, because he is full of bull.

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Shane Ronay
General
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What is someone called who sees a crime committed at an Apple store?

An iWitness

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Shane Ronay
General
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Which psychiatry specialty deals with bizarre behavior?

Off-the-wall-ogy

2002
Akiva Lane
General
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When Anne's mother suggested that she learn how to play bridge, what was Anne's response?

I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

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