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Akiva Lane
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Does therapy often cost a lot?

Yes, but you can keep the change.

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Akiva Lane
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What do you call someone who is an expert about alarm clocks?

An alarmist.

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Akiva Lane
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How did Bill lose so much weight?

Whenever he was about to eat - he thought of the word 'weight', and it reminded him to wait.

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Akiva Lane
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When the teacher said there's no such thing in English as a double positive making a negative, how did a student respond?

Yeah, right.

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Akiva Lane
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What do doctors and musicians have in common?

They both use instruments.

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Akiva Lane
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What do you call a bat that makes short, periodic dinging noises?

A dingbat.

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Akiva Lane
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What did people call their activity of dashing things over the cliffs onto the rocks 100 yards below?

The hundred yard dash.

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Moshe Sherizen
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Why did Arlene bring lipstick and eye shadow to school?

She had a make-up exam.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did the publisher make wide margins when printing the Book of the Prophets?

He wanted wide Prophet margins.

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Akiva Lane
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Why was Fran getting sea-sick using her computer?

Because everything was on her sea drive.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did Jill buy a Jiffy car?

Because she wanted to go places and come back in a jiffy.

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Akiva Lane
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When a man and a woman go on a date, how many kinds of dates are there?

Among others: accomodate, candidate, consolidate, elucidate, update, raindate, validate, inundate, and intimidate.

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