Pictures:

What are the odds that this man will slim down?

A fat chance.

380

Why was Arnold arguing with his stomach?

Because he ate something that didn't agree with him.

2007

What is a person called who knows a lot about eggs?

An eggs-pert.

1112

What part of a computer screen doesn't speak so nicely?

The cursor.

3076

What is a policeman called when he's sleeping in bed?

An undercover cop.

1747

What is it called when something is discussed on X?

It is X-communicated.

2447

What happens when you put on a thick sweater and get very hot?

You become the sweater.

1918

What was Salvador Dali's favorite breakfast?

Surreal

2372

Why did the shark spit out the clown?

It thought he tasted funny.

1251

What did the doctor say when his nurse said there was a man in the waiting room who was disappearing?

Tell him I can't see him now.

1854

Why should a person not use black envelopes?

People mind think it's black mail.

2406

Why did the woman crash into the building where Mark had just been standing?

Her driving instructor told to hit the mark.

1801