Pictures:

What fruit can't get married quickly?

Cantaloupe.

718

What can you say about a bagel with a very large hole?

It's hole is bigger than the sum of its parts.

2229

Why was the carpet depressed?

It felt a lack of respect because everyone walked all over it.

2738

What do palm trees and calendars have in common?

They both have a lot of dates.

2322

Why didn't Mike want to go to the supermarket?

He was afraid of the 'eggs aisle'.

2148

Why did the publisher make wide margins when printing the Book of the Prophets?

He wanted wide Prophet margins.

63

What day do armies go off to battle?

March forth.

405

What Far Eastern city's music has something in common with the blues?

Seoul music.

1359

Why did the general always have his walking stick with him?

He never made decisions without his staff.

1923

What did the bike rider say to his friend after smashing into him by mistake?

I didn't expect to run into you here.

1012

What happens when a person has to work on Sundays?

It's a weakened weekend.

153

Why do most adults stop enjoying puns once they get older?

They become groan-ups.

223