Pictures:

When the pessimist says 'It can't get any worse', what does the optimist say?

It can!

2714

Why did the weight-loss clinic hire a dermotologist?

To make people skinny.

1816

How do some people deal with eating leftovers on Black Friday?

They go cold turkey.

212

Why did Arthur try to convince his wife that money was very much in style?

Because she was spending it like it was going out of style.

1173

Why should we be careful about illusions?

Because it begins with the word 'ill'.

106

Why did Matt guard his fence?

He didn't want anyone to take offence.

1772

What are suits called that students in a high school class wear during political demonstrations?

Class action suits.

3075

What is a fancy expensive scale called?

Upscale.

1771

How do cows buy things?

Through a cattle-log.

1206

What do tiny fish and tiny pictures have in common?

They are both called microfish.

3376

How is this person feeling?

He's down in the dumps.

3057

Why was running to the grocery store not her first run that morning?

She first ran out of milk.

1091