Pictures:

If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of progress?

Congress.

298

What do call someone who is very stitious?

Superstitious.

3114

How did the podiatrist react to having no patients all week?

De-feeted

498

What excuse can be used by a person who drinks too much?

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal labotomy.

610

After someone stole Bobby's clothes while he was swimming, did he get home without people seeing him?

Yes, but just barely.

301

Why are all fish stores in Finland kosher?

Because they have Finns and scales.

820

Why was the athlete with a very bad cold very sad?

His nose was running more than he was.

2749

What did the man say after a meteor destroyed his house?

This really hit home.

2175

How did Bill's parents feel about his goal of being a plumber?

They thought it was a pipe dream.

1783

If two eyes are labeled A and B, what eye is smarter?

A Eye

2667

What do they say about a great baseball player?

That the hits just keep on coming!

773

How did Marty respond when his wife accused him of drinking a fifth of whisky?

He pleaded the fifth.

1831