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Why did the man give up Reader's Digest?

He had a digestive disorder.

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What do you call an appointment that gets cancelled?

A dis-appointment.

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What is the government official in charge of the fence called?

The Minister of De Fence.

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What did Mrs. Gard call it when she changed her twin babies?

The changing of the Gards.

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How did Alan charge his cell phone?

He paid for it with a credit card.

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What kind of thinking do you need to eat Cracker Jack?

Out of the box thinking.

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Why was Achmed the thief unpopular with the other shepherds?

He got other people's goats.

1797

What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?

Prime mates

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What do shoes and noses have in common?

They both smell.

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What city is named after a saw that is used in battle?

Warsaw

2835

What can have both a good and bad result?

Pennies from Heaven

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How does someone feel after they eat peas?

They feel peas-ful.

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