Pictures:

What three letters are not our friend?

NME

2750

How do you describe a mediocre seamstress?

A so-so sew-sew.

485

What do you call a tree that has apples for a pie, and it's root is shaped like a square?

The square root of pie.

2008

Why did the prophet need glasses?

He was far-sighted.

2030

How do you describe Arnold getting new boots for his computer robots?

He rebooted the computer robots.

2272

What do you call a tax on things that people do wrong?

Syntax.

462

What happened to the lawyer who spent too much time drinking at the bar?

He was dis-barred.

1627

How did the can opener get its name?

Because it 'can' open things.

1691

What seal agrees with everything?

The seal of approval.

1886

Why should you take a sharp pencil seriously?

It has a good point.

1762

What illness do birds get after they fly a lot?

The flew.

3190

Why don't vegetarian's fight with each other?

Because they don't want to have a beef with each other.

2418