Pictures:

What did Ted say about his playing a bagel in the school play?

My role is a roll.

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What is the difference between an accountant and a psychologist?

An accountant deals with invoices, and a psychologist deals with inner voices.

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What is a short description of what you did during the summer called?

A summery summary.

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What would ticks be called if they were found on the moon?

Luna-ticks.

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Though Joe was a great pitcher, why did he insist on playing other positions on the baseball team?

He didn't want to be pitch-in holed.

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What does a penthouse have in common with the lead article in a magazine?

They are both a cover story.

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What can you say about someone who thinks he will make a lot of money playing dice?

He's in a fool's para-dice.

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What did one guy say to his friend when he got to the punchbowl at the party first?

I beat you to the punch.

2903

Why did they come up with the phrase 'The Fastest Gun In The West'?

They wanted a slogan for a fast gun.

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How are vegetables different than kids?

Vegetables are bad when spoiled and good when fresh, but it's not good if kids are either fresh or spoiled.

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Why is being grateful the best investment?

It always appreciates.

2159

Why was Bill's band - that hummed while playing drums - not successful?

It was humdrum.

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