Pictures:

What was it called when Samantha texted her friend about the great date she was on?

It was an update about the up date.

2481

What do you lightening that starts a forest fire?

A match made in heaven.

1845

What is the university in Italy where they teach everything about olives?

Olive U.

617

Which doctor would you want overseeing your bacterial infection?

The Chief of Staph

187

How do you add 4 letters to LAUGH and 1 letter to LAUGHTER to completely change their meaning?

OnsLAUGHt and sLAUGHTER.

3011

Why did the obese woman get insulted when the doctor estimated her weight?

The doctor called it a "ballpark figure".

200

What mid-Western US city is named after small apples?

Mini-apples.

55

Where do boots go to rest and have fun in the summer?

Boot camp.

2537

Did Arlene like the new vacuum cleaner?

She thought it sucks.

1737

How is the metric system similar to a guy going on a date?

They both involve a 'meet her'.

588

What is this an example of?

A knee jerk reaction.

1293

If a staircase gave birth to a boy, what would it be?

A stepson.

3266