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How do we know that the ancient Egyptians were not honest?

They were into pyramid schemes.

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Why did Stu work for the Dept. of Transportation?

He loves hitting the road.

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What does the word 'injest' mean?

To eat something while laughing.

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Where is restraint within us?

In hibitions.

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Is the quantum physics theory about electrons disappearing and reappearing elsewhere really true?

That's neither here nor there.

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What do you call a story about a mouse that lives in 2 cities?

A Tail Of Two Cities.

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Why did Fred stop being an accountant?

He started hearing invoices.

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What do you call a hyphen that is the size of a football field?

A hundred yard dash.

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What do you call a scientist who measures how big things are?

A size-mologist.

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How would you describe ordinary airplanes in a large empty area?

Plain planes on a plain plain.

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Which dog breed enjoys eating twice as much as other breeds?

The Chow Chow

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What do animals and coins have in common?

They both have heads and tails.

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