Pictures:

What is a fancy expensive scale called?

Upscale.

1771

How did the squirrel corner the market on acorns?

He opened many branches.

182

How did Martha feel about going back to work on Monday?

It was a weak day.

561

Why shouldn't you get angry at the cursor on your computer screen?

Because then you might become the curser.

811

Why did Sam try to bite a bunch of coins?

He wanted them to become bit coins.

1438

What do Siamese twins say to each other before dinner?

Would you like to join me before dinner?

2757

What happened to the person who snuck into the heated swimming pool?

He's now in hot water.

672

Why wasn't Tom happy with the fund his broker suggest he buy?

The feeling wasn't mutual.

383

Why should we be very cautious about being cynical?

Its first syllable is sin.

68

In the race, how did the runner's shoes do?

They were all tied.

2246

What do you call bees who don't answer you directly?

Cagey bees.

249

What did the waiter say when the customer sent the food back to the kitchen?

Thanks for the feedback.

2385