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How is the metric system similar to a guy going on a date?

They both involve a 'meet her'.

588

Why did Joe find it difficult to invest his money?

Because to him it didn't make cents.

134

How did Jack refer to the current day when he finished work?

He called it a day.

1214

What does getting up in the morning have to do with Newton's laws of motion?

A body at rest tends to stay at rest.

1868

Why did Max pay a lot of money for a bed?

Because it was a bedder bed.

713

What's a good name for an herbal brew business?

Special Teas

343

How is this person feeling?

He's down in the dumps.

3057

Why did Sam sing while he built houses?

He wanted to build them soundly.

2798

What is the man on the right doing?

Scraping the bottom of the barrel from the top.

1302

Why couldn't Alan sit in a chair when he worked?

He was a stand-up comedian.

1703

After the earthquake destroyed the land where a well was, what did the engineer say who was looking for it in the dark?

I don't feel well.

3298

Why was Emily always careful to treat bread carefully and with respect?

She didn't want to do anything that went against the grain.

653