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What happened to the fireman who fought fire with fire?

He got fired.

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What is a trumpet made from a shoe called?

A shoe horn.

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If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of progress?

Congress.

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Why did Billy find it so easy to climb walls?

Because he was so off the wall.

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With the rule "I before E except after C', why is the word 'seize' an exception?

Because it is totally made up 'Seize'

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Why didn't the clam share its food?

Because it was shell-fish.

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Why can you get books from a strawberry that doesn't tell the truth?

It's a lie berry.

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Why did the telephone wires want to go to a therapist?

Because they were high strung.

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What do you call a new one ounce bottle of perfume with a subtle fragrance?

A new ounce with a nuance.

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How did the lawyers refer to the case of the pillow company being sued?

The pillow case.

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Why was Bill hesitant to have a rock band play on his yacht?

He was always told it's not good to rock the boat.

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What kind of food does a tight-rope worker try to eat?

A well-balanced diet.

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