Pictures:

Why did the bartender encourage his customers to drink more?

He wanted them to be more tips-y.

1988

What did the midwife say to the woman starting to give birth?

Please bear with me.

1656

Why did the homeowner get upset that he had to install this?

He just needed to vent.

639

A tripod.

2708

Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil?

Because it's pointless.

971

What made Ted the Teddy bear so smart?

He really knew his stuff.

1036

What did the father tell his son who wanted to travel?

Roam wasn't built in a day.

1720

What is a Tyrannosaurus Rex that is nervous?

A nervous Rex.

300

Which Russian leader used delay tactics as a military strategy?

Stallin'

852

What is used to lubricate the joints of a robot?

Elbow grease.

999

How did Lisa feel when she found that someone had pressed all the buttons in the elevator?

She found it depressing.

864

What did Gil's back say when he returned from a trip?

I'm back.

1595