Pictures:

How long must one walk a dog that lives indoors?

Until they're pooped.

2548

If Washington is the most Southern face on Mount Rushmore, what is Lincoln?

The North Face.

1907

How do spiders find food to eat?

They look on the web.

2425

What do you call a broken can opener?

A can't opener.

3145

How did the young lady feel when her date was rude?

She felt dis-missed.

726

What was the result of Joe not having enough self-control with eating?

He found that it was a big waist.

18

What do you call someone who is very good at finding things?

Pro found.

1594

Why did Sam invest in the perfume company?

It made a lot of scents.

2494

When John learned to play a musical instrument with his ear, what was the result?

He could play it by ear.

649

How do patrons locate a Greek restaurant when their GPS isn't working?

They use a gyro scope

337

What did the man's wife say when he woke up hung over, after a party?

She asked what was "ale"ing him.

706

What does Shakespeare getting sick have to do with feeling angry at someone?

ILL WILL.

252