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Why did Liz putting a wedding song as her phone's ring tone?

She wanted a wedding ring.

1911

Why did the priest act so differently in church?

It was his altar ego

1460

How can you tell that a person has humility?

The person places 'you' first - as in 'you'-mility.

1384

Why did the editor wear a sweater?

Because writers sent her many drafts.

1340

What construction machine is named after a bird?

The crane.

2203

What name did Mr. and Mrs. Tross have second thoughts about naming their baby boy?

Albert.

2319

What begins with a dish and is not honest?

The word dishonest.

1394

Why did Superman's fruit bowl remind him of football?

It was a super bowl.

1928

What happened to the circus performer who swallowed a wood file?

He got a raspy voice.

1006

How does one obtain a very firm crease from the dry cleaner?

Request an increase.

580

What is Fidel Castro saying?

Have a Havana banana with a bandana in my banana republic.

3140

Why did Arthur try to convince his wife that money was very much in style?

Because she was spending it like it was going out of style.

1173