Pictures:

What happened when the oil candle over Bill's bed fell on him while he was sleeping?

He woke up oily in the morning.

2849

Why does a rope get smarter when you pull on it?

Because it gets taught.

96

How did the the drunkard summarize his drinking binge?

With a short schnapsis

181

Why didn't Martha like having pet ducks?

She found they weren't what they were quacked up to be.

2167

What kind of carrots are worth their weight in gold?

24 karats.

934

What do cats sing?

Mew sic.

2817

What is this called?

The last straw.

1413

Why was Fred very good at sleeping?

He could do it with his eyes closed.

1332

Why didn't Joe buy the white horse when when he had all black horses?

Because it was a horse of a different color.

500

What do you call horses that live next to each other?

Neigh-bors.

176

Why did Mrs. Jones put the steaks in the freezer higher than the kids could reach?

Because the steaks were high.

2992

Which country makes the best pan-seared steaks?

Sear-ya.

1100