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Why did the man buy so much bottled water?

There was a liquidation sale.

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How did the writer feel when his books were no longer cited?

He felt ex-cited.

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How do you get someone to say 'Who's there?'

You say 'Knock, knock'

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What is a fancy expensive scale called?

Upscale.

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How did Sam feel when he left the Far East?

He felt dis-oriented.

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Why did Samantha always try to keep busy?

She didn't want to be guilty of idle worship.

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What vegetable jumps into the deep end of the pool?

The endive.

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Why did Ben drink Maxwell House coffee before he went parachute jumping?

He wanted to be good to the last drop.

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What was the best advice that Benjamin Franklin ever got?

People told him to go fly a kite.

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What part of the body do military people try to avoid?

De feet.

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What do you do when you first feel an itch?

You start from scratch.

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Did Sodom and Gomorrah deserve their punishment?

Moral less.

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