Pictures:

Why didn't Jerry mind if his dog didn't tell the truth when the dog was asleep?

Because he let sleeping dogs lie.

145

Why did the person who smoked too much go to Istanbul on a cold day right after Thanksgiving?

Because he wanted to go cold Turkey.

3197

Where did Shakespeare learn to write plays as a child?

In the play-ground.

3083

Why did Beth wear a blindfold when she slept?

Because her husband was such a light sleeper.

655

While building his porch, why was Arnie looking for something called 'scratch'?

Because he was building it from scratch.

566

What is the status of one's yard after cleaning up after the dog?

It's dooty-free.

1009

What is the person on the right doing?

He's using a needle to needlessly needle someone who doesn't need it.

2855

Why don't elephants get upset very often?

They have thick skin.

1932

Who does one who can't figure out their career speak to?

An Occupational Therapist.

2006

What was the slogan of the resort on the mountain?

Come up, and calm down.

2147

What fruit can't get married quickly?

Cantaloupe.

718

What are lost and found items displayed on a basketball court?

Small claims court.

2524