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What does getting up in the morning have to do with Newton's laws of motion?

A body at rest tends to stay at rest.

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What did the clock repairman say when you asked when the talking clock will be fixed?

Time will tell.

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What do they say about the tree that was cut down because it no longer had leaves?

It was absent without leaves.

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What spice doesn't need an expiration date?

Thyme.

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What name did Mr. and Mrs. Tross have second thoughts about naming their baby boy?

Albert.

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What happened to Cynthia when she was in Hollywood and hit her head?

She saw stars.

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What do the other animals think about the ant-eater?

That it is very nosey.

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Where can one find the best selection of ties?

Thailand

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Why did the judge put the man in jail for stealing from the bakery?

Evidence showed he really took the cake.

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What is a baseball that fell into the sewer called?

A foul ball.

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Why did Sunil move away from Delhi?

He found it full of baloney.

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What do athletes and musicians have in common?

They want to make records.

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