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Akiva Lane
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When the prices of houses go up, why do their roofs get weaker?

Because the prices go through the roof.

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Akiva Lane
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What is it called when the earth shakes around a duck farm?

An earth quack.

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Akiva Lane
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Where can one fall?

One can fall asleep, fall in love, fall down, fall ill, and fall into a trap.

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Akiva Lane
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How did Sam feel about getting bald?

Hair today, gone tomorrow.

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Akiva Lane
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Is this letter waiting for anything?

No, it's ready.

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Akiva Lane
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What is similar about doctors' situations before and after they graduate from medical school?

First they need patience, and then they need patients.

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Akiva Lane
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What is it called when police do a search without a search warrant?

Un-warranted.

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Akiva Lane
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What happens every year in the universe?

We celebrate its universe-ary.

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Akiva Lane
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What are reporters who never retire called?

Permanent press.

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Shane Ronay
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Which hospital uses high-fat condiments to cure diseases?

The Mayo Clinic

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Akiva Lane
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How would you describe Shakespeare's development as a writer?

It went through many stages.

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Shane Ronay
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What happened to the circus performer who swallowed a wood file?

He got a raspy voice.

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