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What type of gopher is the most difficult to keep out of a celery patch?

A stalker

1444

Why did Betty stop eating sausage?

She thought it was the wurst.

918

How does one obtain a very firm crease from the dry cleaner?

Request an increase.

580

What kind of tea protects you when you buy something?

Warren Tea.

2894

Why is eating a liter of food like adding a T to it?

It becomes litter.

2928

What is the result if you combine a sweet pie and a sharp onion?

You get an O-PI-NION that is both sweet and sharp.

1692

Why did the Teddy Bear go outside?

It felt stuffy inside the house.

2166

What do dentists never tell their patients?

Keep your mouth shut.

623

Which sea creature is not friendly to other sea creatures?

Anemone

261

When one spouse says, 'I've had it up to here', what can the other spouse say?

What is 'it' and where is 'here'?

611

What kind of angle has the most confidence?

A right angle.

2785

Why did J.K. Rowling stop writing Harry Potter books after book 7?

That's all she wrote.

1305