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What is a book about all the things that a person thinks they should have done differently?

An oughta-biography.

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What do great track stars and confused people have in common?

They run around in circles.

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What did Goldie Jones call her lock company?

Goldie Locks.

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What does an art school and a bedroom dresser have in common?

They both have drawers.

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How is a person who is looking for parking like Lady Macbeth?

He feels like saying 'Out out damn spot'!

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Why was Arnold arguing with his stomach?

Because he ate something that didn't agree with him.

2007

What were the backyards called that were shared between 9 houses?

The whole 9 yards.

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Why do internet browsers tend to gain weight?

They use cookies.

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Why did Janet eat from a bag of dates when she talked to Joe at work?

She wanted him to ask her for a date.

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Why did the man visit his doctor with such tendency?

He had tendonitis.

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Which U.S. city do people have the hardest time losing weight?

Gainesville, FL

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Why are trombone players usually easy going people?

They've learned to let things slide.

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