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Why do some people like to eat these?

It gives them a peas-ful feeling.

3138

What do you call a tree with poems attached to it?

Poet tree.

1605

Why did the prisoner not want to take the anti-allergy medicine?

Because he wanted to break out.

114

What's a good career path for those with wit and a command over language?

A pundit.

1025

How did Bill react when he saw graffiti in his school?

He knew that the handwriting was on the wall.

468

Why did Bill not become a gastroenterologist?

He didn't have the guts.

2018

How did Jeff feel when he lost the speech that he was going to give in an hour?

He was speechless.

742

What excuse can be used by a person who drinks too much?

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal labotomy.

610

Where do pharmaceuticals go that don't need a prescriptinon?

They're over the counter.

1676

What is it called when a homeowner tries to stop a foreclosure of his house?

House keeping.

1946

What's the opposite of a Thanksgiving turkey?

A spring chicken.

1011

Why was the math book sad?

Because it had so many problems.

1752