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Why did Jim and Beth take one evening a week from their family life to eat dates?

Because that was their date night.

322

What do you call a rat whose name is Demmik?

Demmik Rat.

2789

How does one obtain a very firm crease from the dry cleaner?

Request an increase.

580

What happened to the lawyer who spent too much time drinking at the bar?

He was dis-barred.

1627

What it is called when California hi-tech companies fool people in a ridiculous way?

Silly Con Valley

1188

What happened to the magician driving down the street?

He turned into a driveway.

966

What didn't Alan understand about the Humpty Dumpty nursery rhyme?

How were the king's horses involved in putting Humpty Dumpty together again?

632

Why did Fred avoid eating hard cheese such as Swiss cheese?

He preferred eating cheese that is easier.

1841

What is it called when a mystic is hopeful about the future?

Opti-mistic.

95

What is a bag called before it wakes up?

A sleeping bag.

1241

What do you usually don't mind losing?

Weight.

738

What are ticks called that live in a parrot's feathers?

Polly Ticks

1382