Pictures:

Why was this water making high-pitched noises?

Because it was a creak.

1472

Is it good to tie something with a frayed knot?

I'm afraid not.

1634

Why is it good to limit the amount of news you ingest every day?

It's not a coincidence that it's called De Press.

1943

What does a lawyer and someone who gave up liquor have it common?

They both passed the bar.

803

How is time like an insect?

It tends to creep up on you.

1951

How is a head cold similar to a lot of traffic?

They're both congested.

119

What's the secret to a healthy heart?

Take medical advice with a grain of salt.

3255

Why is the centipede considered one of the strongest of insects?

It takes a while until it is on its last legs.

1439

What color learns a lot by reading books?

Red

2975

Why do jockeys have a reputation for being lazy?

They horse around all day.

619

What is a machine that automatically rows a boat?

A row bot.

1221

What did Max say when the mechanic said he must fix the car brakes?

Those are the breaks.

374