Pictures:

What is someone called who lies about how much he eats?

Dish-onest.

1164

What do longshoremen and medical secretaries have in common?

The both work at the docs.

3021

Are people in a family 'absolute'?

They are 'relative', that's why they are called relatives.

3088

How did Boris feel about losing the kick-boxing championship?

He wanted to kick himself.

785

Why did Sophia put on makeup?

She thought it was pretty imporant.

1375

What was the result of the pig race?

The winner squeeked by.

594

Why did the magazine publisher go to a therapist?

He had a lot of issues.

2516

How did John like his job as a bartender?

He found it very pouring.

2500

How are a sanitation truck and computer similar?

Both are garbage in / garbage out

590

Why didn't Jerry mind if his dog didn't tell the truth when the dog was asleep?

Because he let sleeping dogs lie.

145

What did the English actor say when asked if this image could be in England?

Yes, that's my queue.

1473

What kind of tea protects you when you buy something?

Warren Tea.

2894