Akiva Lane
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Why did Joe go to the paint store to lose weight?

He went to get thinner.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did Betty watch the weeds grow in the vacant lot?

Because she enjoyed it as the plot thickened.

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Shane Ronay
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What happens when a batter hits a fly ball that collides with a bird?

It's ruled a fowl ball

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Shane Ronay
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Did you hear about the lawsuit between NBA players and the league?

It was a basket case.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did Lucy buy poppies from the florist?

It was Father's Day, and she bought flowers for her pop.

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Akiva Lane
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Since Jill was on a diet, why was she concerned that the math problems on the test were too easy?

Because they were a piece of cake.

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Akiva Lane
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Why was Bob upset when he got a fine?

He didn't think it was fine at all.

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Akiva Lane
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How did Elsie the cow feel when she couldn't give milk?

She felt like an udder failure.

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Akiva Lane
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How did the can opener get its name?

Because it 'can' open things.

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Shane Ronay
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What is another name for a car's complete history?

An autobiography.

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Akiva Lane
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How did light bulbs get their name?

They are not heavy.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did Jim want to be a farmer?

He thought he would dig it.

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