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How did the man who ate nothing but vegetable soup for decades live to be 100?

He took good stock in himself.

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What do you call someone who is driven crazy by the ticking of a clock?

A luna-tick.

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What does Leonard Bernstein and copper have in common?

They are both good conductors.

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What did the doctor say when his nurse said there was a man in the waiting room who was disappearing?

Tell him I can't see him now.

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What do you call the waiting area for mens' hair stylists?

The barber queue

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What are thick paper cups called when they are cold?

Hot cups.

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Why is Ilan Musk very interested in learning about people who live in marshes?

Because they are marshans.

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How were Reggie and his friends referred to?

Regimen

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Did the early frost kill all the fish in the fish pond?

No, they were just being koi.

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Why was no one able to buy more summer hats after a man just did?

That was the last straw.

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What do you call a bar that serves chocolate?

A chocolate bar.

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What do you call a polygon with thousands of sides?

A balagon ('overly complicated' in Hebrew)

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