Pictures:

How to summarize a person's life after being convicted of a crime?

Con descending.

1125

Which paintings are not on display in museums?

Those with no strings attached.

194

Why do many people choose low-fat milk?

Whole milk wheys them down.

1074

Why was the nurse pleased to immunize this boy?

Because she was giving him her best shot.

1800

Why was the son of a drapery store owner upset when flunking out of college?

He knew it was curtains for him.

376

Why do people dislike washing windows?

They're a pane.

371

Which hospital uses high-fat condiments to cure diseases?

The Mayo Clinic

1001

What do Navy cadets do to lower belly fat?

Navel exercises.

1589

Is basting a real stitch?

Mmm...sew-sew.

2326

How much does it cost to swim with sharks?

An arm and a leg.

2217

How did this farmer increase his bottom line?

He added a new machine to cut celeries.

1806

Where's the best place to shop in order to escape?

A flee market

297