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What day of the week do people get married on?

Wedding's day.

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Why did the mathematician plant an apple tree?

He knew how to multiply, so in addition he wanted to be fruitful.

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If the hole of a bagel is filled with black pepper, what is the result?

A black hole.

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How did Jeff feel when he lost the speech that he was going to give in an hour?

He was speechless.

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What finger does a card-shark use to manipulate the card deck?

The in-decks finger.

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What do you call a collection for money to plant bushes?

A hedge fund.

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When Shakespeare had writer's block, what was his motto?

Where there's a Will, there's a way.

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What do reptiles and music have in common?

They both have scales.

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After his cold, why did Phil feel like a pony?

Becauses he was a little hoarse.

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What did Martha says when the box of cookies fell?

That's the way the cookies crumble.

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Why was it that in the ancient world harps could not be trusted?

Because they were all lyres.

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If FedEx merged with UPS, what would the new company be called?

Fed Up.

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