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How can we know when someone is ready for dating?

When their dating resume is UP TO DATE!

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What is it called when cars protest public lies by honking their horns?

Taking the bull by the horns.

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Why should baggage with wheels not be called luggage?

Because it is wheeled and not lugged around.

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Why don't elephants get upset very often?

They have thick skin.

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What is an ancient Celtic who is very flexible called?

A fluid druid.

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What does Shakespeare getting sick have to do with feeling angry at someone?

ILL WILL.

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Why did Linda name her dogs Rolex and Timex?

They were her watch dogs.

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How did Amanda feel about the fact that science doesn't understand why people are ticklish?

She thought it was mys-tickle.

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Why didn't Billy like the second class of his school day?

He felt like a second class citizen.

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What country is named after neck-wear?

Tie Land.

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When John learned to play a musical instrument with his ear, what was the result?

He could play it by ear.

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What vegetable is like a group that asks permission?

Let us.

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