Pictures:

Akiva Lane
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Why couldn't Alan sit in a chair when he worked?

He was a stand-up comedian.

1703
Akiva Lane
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What do you call a thief that leaves no clues?

Stainless steal.

1658
Akiva Lane
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What do the words pigment, canvas, and paintbrush all have in common?

They are all terms of art.

2318
Akiva Lane
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What dinosaur has a good vocabulary?

The thesaurus.

1372
Akiva Lane
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Why should we be very careful handling glass?

There's a reason it's called a pain of glass.

1966
Akiva Lane
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What is the difference between a real man and one that is not real?

One is Sir Real, and the other is surreal.

1727
Akiva Lane
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How did the circus strongman react when he found out he had an iron deficiency, though he could bend iron with his bare hands?

He found it ironic.

1008
Akiva Lane
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What music do you wrap presents to?

Rap music.

404
Akiva Lane
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Why didn't Martha mind that she had a run in her stockings?

She figured it didn't really matter in the long run.

529
Akiva Lane
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Why are ticks in Rome full of love?

Because they are romantics.

2520
Akiva Lane
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How do you compare baseball, bowling, and unions?

Baseball: 3 strikes=out, Bowling: 12 strikes= perfect game, Union: strikes are unlimited.

2346
Akiva Lane
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What does China and Turkey have in common?

They raise red flags.

1976