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Akiva Lane
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What do you call a delicatessen in a mental hospital?
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A psycho deli.
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1917
Akiva Lane
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Why in the army do they avoid giving treats twice?
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That would involve a re-treat.
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1739
Akiva Lane
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Why was the hungry secretary like a clock?
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At meetings she took minutes, and at meals she took seconds.
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2201
Akiva Lane
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What aunt disagrees about everything?
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Aunt Tithesis
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2368
Akiva Lane
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What name for cigarettes describes the harm they do?
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Sick-arettes.
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289
Akiva Lane
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What was Bill's reaction when he found a hole in the wall of the outhouse?
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"I need that like a hole in the head'.
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1219
Akiva Lane
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What made Ted the Teddy bear so smart?
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He really knew his stuff.
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1036
Akiva Lane
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What is a meal eaten by a pilot in a supersonic jet?
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Fast food.
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1154
Akiva Lane
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What does the Constitution have in common with balancing a checkbook?
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Checks and balances.
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1158
Akiva Lane
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Why was the newborn baby bored?
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Because his mother just bore him.
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1781
Akiva Lane
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How are computer disk drives different than car traffic?
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It's good when disk drives are backed up, but it's not good when traffic is backed up.
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2429
Akiva Lane
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When the music tracks that Jay submitted lost the music competition, what was the ironic result?
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He made a lot of money off the beaten tracks.
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1127
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