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Akiva Lane
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What day do armies go off to battle?

March forth.

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Do people gain weight as they get older?

If they do, it's a waist of time.

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How did the conversation go between a patient and the doctor who wanted him to cut down on mayonnaise?

Mayonnaise? No you may not.

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Why did Jill often find it difficult to find her sneakers?

She suspected that it was because they were sneaking around the house.

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What is similar between getting off drugs and the day after Thanksgiving?

Cold turkey.

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Why did Sophia put on makeup?

She thought it was pretty imporant.

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What is it called when cars protest public lies by honking their horns?

Taking the bull by the horns.

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What do baseball players do if they feel bad they didn't win the Pennant race?

They do Pennants Penance.

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What do reptiles and music have in common?

They both have scales.

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Why did Andrea not want to take papers out of the file cabinet?

She was concerned that they might become defiled.

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Why was the investor's nickname 'Yeast'?

Because wherever he put bread, it would rise.

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How is a donkey being pulled similar to Mickey Mantle?

They are both yank-ees.

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