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What do you call a veterinarian that used to be in the army?

A vet vet.

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The order of what 2 syllables makes the difference between happy and sad?

Being upbeat is better than being beat up.

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Do clothes hanging out to dry use the internet?

Yes, they're online.

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Why was the hot dog happy?

Because it was on a roll.

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What is a husband and wife called in Czechoslovakia?

Czech mate.

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Why shouldn't you ask questions to sugar cane that is fused together?

Because it is canefused.

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Why was the steam iron that had very little water very tired?

It was running out of steam.

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What do dates and apples have it common?

One comes from a palm tree, the other comes from a pomme tree.

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What is the origin of the word 'stain'?

It's a spot that is stayin' in the clothes.

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Why did Martha not appreciate her beautiful kitchen counters?

She took it for granite.

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How did Bill feel when he was preparing his taxes?

He felt the taxes were attacks.

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How did Lisa feel when she found that someone had pressed all the buttons in the elevator?

She found it depressing.

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