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What is similar between a tile salesman and a lizard?

One is a tile rep, and the other is a reptile.

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Why did the bartender put rolls on the bar next to the drinks?

His motto was 'Roll with the punches'.

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What is the university in Italy where they teach everything about olives?

Olive U.

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What do you call a bar that serves chocolate?

A chocolate bar.

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What group of letters do planes fly over?

They fly over C's.

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Why did the town call itself Vincible?

Because they knew that people want to be in Vincible.

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The order of what 2 syllables makes the difference between happy and sad?

Being upbeat is better than being beat up.

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How is the way that cows chew their cud similar to letters to the editor?

They both involve feedback.

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Why is the word 'laptop' misleading?

It shouldn't be used on the lap, because of the heat and radiation it generates to the body.

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How do you describe professional athletes?

They are pro-active.

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Do people gain weight as they get older?

If they do, it's a waist of time.

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Why did the runner not tie his sneakers?

Because he wanted to win, and not be tied.

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