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Akiva Lane
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Why did Beverly avoid bidding too much at auctions?

She thought it might be considered morbid.

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Akiva Lane
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Why are we held accountable for what we eat?

Because a person can choose what he chews.

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Akiva Lane
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What is similar between getting off drugs and the day after Thanksgiving?

Cold turkey.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did Peter bite into a packet of money?

People told him he should put his money where his mouth is.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did Betty look for someone who loves ceilings?

She thought it would be cool if she got a ceiling fan.

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Akiva Lane
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Mary exercized at Jim's place every day - what is his full name?

Jim Nasium

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Akiva Lane
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How did the vegetarians react when Melinda offered to bring sweet and sour chicken to the party?

They said, keep your two scents out of it.

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Akiva Lane
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What do you call a zoo that feeds the animals zucchinis?

A zoo-kini.

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Akiva Lane
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What kind of thinking is required to put together furniture from IKEA?

Out of the box thinking.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did Arnold lie down next to bread in the bakery?

He wanted to be rolling in dough.

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Akiva Lane
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What did the bike rider say to his friend after smashing into him by mistake?

I didn't expect to run into you here.

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Akiva Lane
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What bread is similar to money that was gotten illegally?

Sour dough.

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