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Why in the army do they avoid giving treats twice?

That would involve a re-treat.

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What did Matt Silver call his new software company?

Silver Ware.

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What piece of clothing is named after the neck of a reptile?

Turtle neck sweater.

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Why did Bill get furious at the person who tried to steal his goat?

It really got his goat.

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What do you call someone who is an expert at choosing clocks for counter-tops?

Counter clock wise.

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Why did the shepherd find the sheep so heavy?

Wherever he would lead them, they were lead.

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Why were the vegetables upset when Marty put salt on them?

They felt assaulted.

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How is the political system similar to the pages in a book?

Because everything is either justified right or justified left.

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What is the difference between a child and Shakespeare?

One is involved with play, and the other is involved with plays.

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If FedEx merged with UPS, what would the new company be called?

Fed Up.

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Why was Bob always looking down at his wife's high heel shoes?

Because he was head over heels over her.

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What do students in 12th grade have in common with people in an old-age home?

They are both seniors.

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