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Akiva Lane
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How can psychiatrists charge so much?

Because people have to be crazy to pay those rates.

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Why didn't Jerry mind if his dog didn't tell the truth when the dog was asleep?

Because he let sleeping dogs lie.

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If there was an earthquake in California, who would be blamed?

People would probably say it was San Andreas fault.

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Akiva Lane
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Bill saved his pennies all year to buy a present for his wife, and brought them to a store, and do you know what he got?

A hernia.

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Why was Sandy sure that her daughter would become an actress?

Because every time she didn't get her way, she would make a scene.

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What do you call college students who go back to school in the fall?

Autumn leaves.

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Akiva Lane
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Why are the Patriot missiles kosher?

Because they have fins and chew their scuds.

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How did Marty respond when his wife accused him of drinking a fifth of whisky?

He pleaded the fifth.

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Why does hot weather seem so smart?

Because it has so many degrees.

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Akiva Lane
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What did the sculptor do before he sculpted the subject's head?

He had to plan a head.

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Why did the town call itself Vincible?

Because they knew that people want to be in Vincible.

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What do you call an alligator who is a detective?

An investigator.

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