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Akiva Lane
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When Alan was arrested, why couldn't he accept invitations?

He was fully booked.

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Akiva Lane
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Does therapy often cost a lot?

Yes, but you can keep the change.

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Akiva Lane
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What time is this?

A quarter after 5.

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When Mark heard his friend say 'I saw her in this dress', why did he get alarmed?

He thought he said, 'I saw her in distress'.

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Akiva Lane
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What is an arrangement with UPS, Fedex, or DHL to send a package called?

A package deal.

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Akiva Lane
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What do you get when you are in a hurry?

You get going.

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Akiva Lane
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Why didn't the two gangs have their scheduled showdown?

Because one gang didn't show up.

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Akiva Lane
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Why was Emily very careful when she made right and left turns with the car?

Because one good turn deserves another.

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Akiva Lane
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What was Pandora guilty of?

Out of the box thinking.

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What is it called when athletes learn to do the high jump?

Spring training.

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Why are visitors to the zoo sometimes directed by mistake to the room with the bats?

People think they asked where the bat room is.

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What do you call a father who makes corny jokes?

Pop corn.

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