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Akiva Lane
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How did ice cream get its name?

When you go on a scale after eating it, you scream.

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Akiva Lane
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Why is the location of the letter 'I' very important in marriage?

It's the difference between 'marriage' and 'mirage', and 'marital arts' and 'martial arts'.

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Akiva Lane
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How did the vegetarians react when Melinda offered to bring sweet and sour chicken to the party?

They said, keep your two scents out of it.

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Akiva Lane
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Why are weddings often done under canopies?

To say that marriage is in tents.

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Akiva Lane
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What would happen if Earth was attacked by giant spiders from outer space?

A world wide web.

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Akiva Lane
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How do you describe an exciting job in advertising?

It's an ad-venture.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did the people realize that calling their town Competent was not a good idea?

Then all the people in the town would be in Competent.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did the general not want to look down at his boots?

He wanted to avoid de feet.

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Akiva Lane
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What security related word has a sword in it?

Password.

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Akiva Lane
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How did Bertha feel about the numbers 3, 5, 7, and 9?

She thought they were odd.

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Akiva Lane
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When Bill took the hot air balloon, why did he find it hard to concentrate?

Because then his head was in the clouds.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did men find it difficult to understand what Abigail Terious was all out?

She was Miss-terious.

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