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What does getting up in the morning have to do with Newton's laws of motion?

A body at rest tends to stay at rest.

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What are tests in cosmetic school called?

Make-up exams.

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How did the decorations on the toilet paper feel?

They were on a roll.

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What was Sylvia's reaction to the box of cookies falling on the floor?

That's the way the cookie crumbles.

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What did the seamstress say when she couldn't fix a hole in a sweater?

Oh darn it!

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How did ice cream get its name?

When you go on a scale after eating it, you scream.

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What's an attitude in life that can make things harder?

Taking things for granite.

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Why did Bob start a rabbit farm?

He wanted a hare raising experience.

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Why didn't the two gangs have their scheduled showdown?

Because one gang didn't show up.

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What happened when the teacher taught a class without preparing?

She prepared much better in the future, she learned her lesson.

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What is the version of Arabian Nights that takes place in Rome?

Al-Latin.

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Why was Bob concerned about the impression he made when he ran on the treadmill?

He didn't want people to think he was just a run of the mill guy

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