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Akiva Lane
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What are some states that have a lot of problems?

State of flux, state of shock, state of confusion, and state of denial.

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What is a combination of a pig and a pine tree?

A porcupine.

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Akiva Lane
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Why does a rope get smarter when you pull on it?

Because it gets taught.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did the prisoner ask the judge to put words on a train?

Because he wanted the judge to commute his sentence.

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Akiva Lane
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How is time like an insect?

It tends to creep up on you.

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Akiva Lane
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How did the head of the orchestra feel when he couldn't find people to play in it?

It was disconcerting.

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What can be said about Edison's invention of the light bulb?

Both Edison and the light bulb were brilliant.

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Akiva Lane
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What does a party of hippies and a woman's hair brush have in common?

They both have a hair ball.

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Akiva Lane
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When everyone quit the baseball league except Joe, why wasn't Joe upset?

Because now he was in a league all by himself.

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Akiva Lane
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What did the mother say to get her son to stop playing video games and come to dinner?

Step up to the plate.

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Akiva Lane
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What do you call a Hippopotomus that is a phony?

A hippo-crite.

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Akiva Lane
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What do people in the US say when they want to use the metric system?

Take me to your litre.

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