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What kind of static is very happy?

Ecstatic.

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Why did the light switch feel ambivalent about the people in the house?

Sometimes it felt turned off.

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Akiva Lane
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What did the waiter get when he served a meal of iceberg lettuce?

The tip of the iceberg.

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What is a survey done over the phone called?

A telephone poll.

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Akiva Lane
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What vegetable makes the most polite request?

Let us.

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Why do internet browsers tend to gain weight?

They use cookies.

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Akiva Lane
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Are there cows that can produce grape juice?

No, that's udderly ridiculous.

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How can you help people who are suspicious?

Change the first letter of suspicious from S to A, to make it auspicious.

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Can you believe someone who eats steak from a male cow?

No, because he is full of bull.

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Akiva Lane
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What is exercizing at home called?

The home stretch.

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What is similar between getting off drugs and the day after Thanksgiving?

Cold turkey.

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Why did Mr. and Mrs. Beaver find it hard to get along?

Because they found each other so dam a-gnawing.

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