Pictures:

Akiva Lane
General
Picture

Why did this make Mike confused?

He didn't know if it was a scissors or a pair of scissors.

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Akiva Lane
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Why was the uncle's wife nervous?

She was feeling 'auntsy'.

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Akiva Lane
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What happens when a threat starts moving?

It's no longer an idle threat.

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Akiva Lane
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What's the difference between looking for a parking space and washing clothes?

With one you want spots to appear, and with the other you wants spots to disappear.

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Akiva Lane
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Do military generals have to be excellent administrators?

In general, yes, but you can't generalize.

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Akiva Lane
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How is the metric system similar to a guy going on a date?

They both involve a 'meet her'.

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Akiva Lane
General
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Why is the last part of a meal called dessert?

That's when people desert their diet.

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Akiva Lane
General
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What do you call a student with a private tutor?

He's in a class all by himself.

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Akiva Lane
General
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Why did Martha feel bad for her calendar?

Because its days are numbered.

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Akiva Lane
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What is the land called where an acting troupe builds a stage?

A play ground.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did the politician like to winnow grain on the farm?

He liked how it is spelled: win now.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did Betty watch the weeds grow in the vacant lot?

Because she enjoyed it as the plot thickened.

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