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Akiva Lane
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How did the hardware store advertise hammers that break easily?

They are unbeatable.

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Why did Maxine like riding on the ferris wheel?

It made her feel like a big wheel.

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Akiva Lane
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What do you call a demonstration at a diner?

A counter-demonstration.

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Why did Bill always make sure he had enough reck with him?

He didn't want to be reckless.

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How did Bill describe his ability to make great tea?

It's my specialty.

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Why is the Pillsbury doughboy a hippie?

He's a flour child.

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What is Martha's parrot's name, if its second name is Esther?

Polly Esther.

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What is a father that sells soft-drinks called?

A soda pop.

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Why did the mathematician plant an apple tree?

He knew how to multiply, so in addition he wanted to be fruitful.

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What do you call a daisy with a bad sense of balance?

A whoopsie daisy.

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What do dentists never tell their patients?

Keep your mouth shut.

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What happened to the college when it didn't want to give its teachers a raise in salary?

It lost its faculties.

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