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Akiva Lane
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Why did Bill's tongue always hurt?

Every time he wanted to say something that he shouldn't say, he bit his tongue.

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Akiva Lane
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What do you call a hippie who is a phony?

A hippie-crit.

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Akiva Lane
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What can be said about nurses who help patients with intravenous feeding?

Their work is in vein.

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Akiva Lane
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How does the can opener get its name?

Because it can open things.

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Where is Kuwait?

Between Iraq and a hard place.

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What do you get when you are in a hurry?

You get going.

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Why didn't Maxine want to charge the lightbulb with a saltwater battery?

She didn't want it to be charged with salt and battery.

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Akiva Lane
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What relative did Bill Royd name the phone operating system after?

Aunt Royd.

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Akiva Lane
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What do labor unions have to do with your son's friends sleeping over?

Boy cots.

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What will happen if the San Andreas Fault causes an earthquake?

It will be covered by no-fault insurance.

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Akiva Lane
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What helps traction in marriage?

Attraction.

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Akiva Lane
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Why was the singer embarrassed to go on stage and perform?

Because he was a little horse, and he had a frog in his throat.

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