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Akiva Lane
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What do employment recruiters and cannibals have in common?

They're both called head hunters.

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When Mitchel lost money in a risky investment, why did he feel like his clean suit?

Because they had both been taken to the cleaners.

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What is similar between a tile salesman and a lizard?

One is a tile rep, and the other is a reptile.

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What are groups called that claim they know all the facts?

Factions.

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What does a party of hippies and a woman's hair brush have in common?

They both have a hair ball.

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Why did Martha feel bad for her calendar?

Because its days are numbered.

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How did Billy feel when the cookies got smashed?

He felt crummy.

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What is good motto for a gym, to encourage people to lose weight?

Let there be light!

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What is it called when police do a search without a search warrant?

Un-warranted.

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Why is the Pillsbury doughboy a hippie?

He's a flour child.

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'Mer' in French means the sea. Why didn't Jules want to visit the sea at night?

That would be a night mer.

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When one spouse says, 'I've had it up to here', what can the other spouse say?

What is 'it' and where is 'here'?

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