Akiva Lane
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What does a lawyer and someone who gave up liquor have it common?

They both passed the bar.

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Akiva Lane
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What do you call a Jewish congregation in Orange County that tries to focus on their prayers?

Concentrated Orange Jews.

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Akiva Lane
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What happened when Joe tripped on his neighbor's exposed sewer?

He wanted to sue her.

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Akiva Lane
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How did Emma feel when she had a dream during a nap that she was elected president?

It felt like a power nap.

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Akiva Lane
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If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring.

Pilgrims

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Akiva Lane
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How is the metric system similar to a guy going on a date?

They both involve a 'meet her'.

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Akiva Lane
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How did the sergeant know that he could take all the blankets that were needed?

He had blanket permission.

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Why was Mike concerned about the liquids that he drank?

Because after he drank them, they were drunk.

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Akiva Lane
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Why didn't the king allow anything to be placed over his throne?

He didn't want to think about the phrase 'over throne'?

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When Jeff asked his friend, "What is worse, ignorance or apathy?" how did his friend answer?

His friend answered, "I don't know, and I don't care".

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What do you call a veterinarian that used to be in the army?

A vet vet.

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Why was Mrs. Jones always looking under her son's bed?

She was hoping that there might be something new under the son.

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