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When Jim forgot to wear his watch, and he was asked what time it is, what did he answer?

Off-hand I can't say.

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Why was Mrs. Jones always looking under her son's bed?

She was hoping that there might be something new under the son.

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Why was Sally afraid that the vegetables would slap her?

Because she knew they were fresh.

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Why was the keyboard unhappy?

Because its keys were always depressed.

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What is an example of a contact sport where nobody touches anyone else?

When people hide each others' contact lenses.

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Why did Amanda stare at gifts before opening them up?

Her friends told her she should focus more on the present.

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What do you call a tax on things that people do wrong?

Syntax.

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Why was Mike concerned about the liquids that he drank?

Because after he drank them, they were drunk.

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What phrase suggests that we should research potential marriage partners?

Check mate.

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What is the best month to buy and sell jewelry?

Jewel-eye.

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What kind of ship demands total control?

Dictator ship

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What kind of bush can take you by surprise?

An ambush.

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