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What do you call memories of stressfull times?

Past tense.

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What is someone called who lies about how much he eats?

Dish-onest.

1164

What do you call an appointment that gets cancelled?

A dis-appointment.

3029

How did Mr. and Mrs. Tern express their appreciation for each other?

One good Tern deserves another.

2631

What is a good ad slogan for the Grates metal company?

Get great grates at Grates grates.

3082

Why did the obese woman get insulted when the doctor estimated her weight?

The doctor called it a "ballpark figure".

200

Why did Cynthia love her calculator?

Because she knew that she could always count on it.

3189

What is a movie about the letter O called?

The Vide-O's.

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What did the miner say when he found gold?

It's mine!

1583

Why was Fred confused by forms?

Because he didn't know if he should fill them IN or fill them OUT.

1010

Why did Alan quit his job as a probate attorney?

He didn't like putting on heirs.

816

What is another name for the stock market dot com bubble that popped in 2000?

The Com before the storm.

2985