Pictures:

Why are reading glasses called glasses?

Because they are made from plastic?

568

Why was the homeowner scared of the zombies at his front door?

They were dead ringers of friends of his.

1277

What is a fancy expensive scale called?

Upscale.

1771

Why did Bill bring money to bed?

Because he had been sleeping poorly.

140

What are light bulbs that are very heavy called?

Heavy bulbs.

894

At what kind of table does one read the New York Times?

The Times table.

2156

Why did Richard have someone throw his clothes from a plane and watch as they fell?

He felt it was best to spot your clothes before washing them.

2610

What happened when the large bowl fell off the shelf and knocked Betty down?

She was bowled over.

902

How did Max react when his wife served fish for supper 6 days in a row?

He said, "There's something fishy about this".

388

Why was the keyboard unhappy?

Because its keys were always depressed.

2099

What do you get when you are in a hurry?

You get going.

397

What position is for one working part-time overseeing an orchestra?

A semi-conductor

1210