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What do psychologists and accountants both say?

It's important to be positive.

2989

What's similar between the last stop on a train and a lion's tail?

They are both the end of the lion.

2592

Why was Arnold arguing with his stomach?

Because he ate something that didn't agree with him.

2007

Why did Alan make sure his deck wasn't empty when he played with his kids?

He wanted to make sure he was playing with a full deck.

1738

What's a good career path for those with wit and a command over language?

A pundit.

1025

Which crime is most prevalent at this school?

Assault

488

What is a nickname for pharmacists?

Pharmers.

2852

Why was Emily reluctant to use a tractor on her farm?

Because it didn't attract her.

1373

Why did the man travel to India for a corned beef sandwich?

He heard they had a new Delhi.

292

How long must one walk a dog that lives indoors?

Until they're pooped.

2548

What do you call someone using a fake stun gun?

A taser teaser

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Why did Joe work in a pizza shop?

He kneaded the dough.

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