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What is a dog called that swims back and forth in a pool?

A lap dog.

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What did the Mayor say when the workers put street signs upside down?

This is not a good sign.

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What did pregnant Emily and the library book she was reading have in common?

They were both due in September.

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Why do the Polish not force their cuisine on others?

They figure it's their pierogi-tive.

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What is a partnership of 2 doctors called?

A pair-a-dox.

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What is it called when a fusion nuclear reaction starts acting unpredictably?

Con-fusion.

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Why did Jeff start rope climbing?

He wanted to learn the ropes.

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Why was this a big seller?

It is candy.

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Why did Emily like making her bed in the morning?

Because then she felt like she had it made.

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How can we know when someone is ready for dating?

When their dating resume is UP TO DATE!

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What is the name of a locksmith store where the locksmith has blond hair

Goldi Locks.

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What is a gym called filled with people who want to lose weight?

A waist land.

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