What was the computer monitor's New Year's resolution?

1920 X 1080, same as it was the year prior.

1834

What is the difference between a child and Shakespeare?

One is involved with play, and the other is involved with plays.

805

What is the problem with a small group of people controlling a country?

It's just us, instead of justice.

1881

What is it called when a leader demands that everyone kneel down to him?

Tyra-knee.

694

Why are bakery employees so nice to their customers?

They know where their bread is buttered.

435

What is one way to eliminate ants around your shrubs?

Beat around the bush.

1814

What is it called when people hold that only their belief system is valid?

Pious bias.

889

Why did the man travel to India for a corned beef sandwich?

He heard they had a new Delhi.

292

Which medical specialty focuses on interior design for hospitals?

Roomitology

1317

Where do small burps live?

In the sub-burps.

1505

What do palm trees and calendars have in common?

They both have a lot of dates.

2323

What did the Arial, Helvetica, and Courier fonts say to each other?

You're not my type.

759