Pictures:

How did John feel when his alarm clock woke him up?

He found it alarming.

112

What's high in the middle, and round at both ends?

The word Ohio.

684

What does getting up in the morning have to do with Newton's laws of motion?

A body at rest tends to stay at rest.

1868

What happened to the lawyer who spent too much time drinking at the bar?

He was dis-barred.

1627

What did the man say when he no longer needed to wear glasses?

Bye, focals!

932

How did diners at the Chinese restaurant react to the LED lighting?

They asked if they could Dim Sum.

334

What is the waiting area for mens' haircuts called?

The barber queue

2129

Where did Maxine put her nail files?

In the filing cabinet.

2818

How did guests know chili would be the main course?

Somebody spilled the beans.

1822

Where does a lot of violent activity take place?

In youth hostiles

1487

In the body, what is between tendon B and tendon D.

Tendency.

1082

Why was the rabbit jumping for joy?

Because it was very hoppy.

3199