Pictures:

How did Bill feel when he was preparing his taxes?

He felt the taxes were attacks.

1617

Why was Bill on the lookout for turnips?

He didn't know when they might turn up.

2745

Why did the light switch feel ambivalent about the people in the house?

Sometimes it felt turned off.

1936

Why dosn't Andrea like eating old mint candy?

Her one requirement is that they must be in mint condition.

2913

What do you call a doctor who prescribes a daiquiri cocktail flavored with hickory?

A hickory daiquiri doc.

416

What is Santa Claus's favorite agricultural activity?

Hoe, hoe, hoe.

1542

What do you call a hippie who is a phony?

A hippie-crit.

1130

Why was Linda afraid of using Chapstick?

Her pharmacist said it was lip bomb.

1393

How did Alan feel when he put down the heavy box of cucumbers?

Un-encumbered.

166

What's the best way to eliminate vapor from your windshield?

I haven't the foggiest idea.

1775

Why did the shopping mall put signs in the mall with the number 1 on them?

Because when you see 1 you see the mall.

3175

What kind of insect has a name that indicates that it's always running away?

The flea.

3196