Pictures:

What is the difference between an elephant and a car?

One has the trunk in the front, and the other has the trunk in the back.

951

Do people gain weight as they get older?

If they do, it's a waist of time.

2073

Why did Betty look for someone who loves ceilings?

She thought it would be cool if she got a ceiling fan.

2363

Why did the dirty dishes in the sink feel connected to each other?

Because they were all in sync.

2161

What does Shakespeare getting sick have to do with feeling angry at someone?

ILL WILL.

252

What's good advice when photographing celestial beings?

Be sure you get the best angel.

1027

Why was the uncle's wife nervous?

She was feeling 'auntsy'.

2119

Are outsiders allowed into the room called the 'well' in the Justice Department?

No, but it's just-as-well.

1336

Why did the Teddy Bear go outside?

It felt stuffy inside the house.

2166

What do you call an alligator who is a detective?

An investigator.

94

What did the mother do whose son chewed on an electrical cord?

She grounded him until he conducted himself properly.

433

How did Bill's parents feel about his goal of being a plumber?

They thought it was a pipe dream.

1783