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What does a law student have in common with someone giving up liquor?

They both want to pass the bar.

1856

Which doctor would you want overseeing your bacterial infection?

The Chief of Staph

187

What does a warning label on a large strainer say?

Don't strain yourself.

38

What does a car say when you fill it up with gas?

Tanks.

356

What was the double-jointed acrobat very good at?

Patting himself on the back.

1559

Why do electricians monitor the news so closely?

To keep current.

239

What is a break in a wall that is very smart?

A wisecrack.

2949

Why didn't Beverly believe anything written on the humidifier?

Because it was full of hot air.

1023

What is an aunt that is a great cook called?

Aunty Pasto.

727

How do you translate MS/DOS from Hebrew to English?

Honest Thinking (Emes Das)

1767

Which internal organ has the most audacity?

The gall bladder.

1072

Why do violinists put rosin on their violin bows?

It makes the violins rosin-ate.

760