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How did the man who ate nothing but vegetable soup for decades live to be 100?

He took good stock in himself.

372

How were the untied shoes feeling?

They were fit to be tied.

2085

What do you call loving swing music in Michigan?

Being in a swing state in a swing state.

2238

Is the quantum physics theory about electrons disappearing and reappearing elsewhere really true?

That's neither here nor there.

878

What do you usually don't mind losing?

Weight.

738

Why shouldn't you ask questions to sugar cane that is fused together?

Because it is canefused.

3144

Why didn't Betty want to talk about the bed that her dog Dignity was sleeping on?

She felt it was beneath her dignity.

1313

What are these signs called?

Dollar signs.

3010

How did Charlie feel when he lost his list of things to do?

He felt listless.

62

What is the official nut of schools and educators?

mACADEMIA nuts

789

What do you call someone using a fake stun gun?

A taser teaser

329

What kind of static is very happy?

Ecstatic.

1630